Boundaries

My sponsor has recommended that I read a book called Boundaries so I ordered it from Amazon.com today.  As usual, the Thursday before payday, my account balance is negative.  Now, this depresses the heck out of me and is also sometI hing that I have complete control over.  Isn't it ironic that I am going through recovery of being someone who tries to control and fix everybody else's problems but I won't put in the work on my own problems to fix them.  I am working on changing that.

Boundaries and detachment are two hard concepts for me.  I am so used to being inside everybody elses fences and I think most people expect me to jump the fences and get into everybody else's space and try to fix things that this is definitely going to be a huge challenge for me.  I am much happier fixing (or trying to fix) other people's problems than I am working on my own.

As noted in a previous post, I have given up FB for a while.  For many reasons but a big one is so that I don't have the temptation to get involved in Carolyn's problems. I am working on setting boundaries.  My mom texted me last night and told me that she had been kicked out of her sober house.  Today in group, while talking about boundaries, I said that I don't care that Carolyn was kicked out of the sober house.  I know that deep down, I really do care but right now I am so angry and so hurt by all of the mistakes that she has made and the mistakes that I have made that I really am finding it hard to care.  I know that I am not the reason she is getting kicked out of the house (if that is even true), I am not the reason she is in the house in the first place, and I am not the reason that her life is in what appears to be constant chaos.  Just writing about this makes me realize how much I care but I have to keep those boundaries set.  I have to work on loving detachment.

One thing that I hear almost at every meeting is how when people first start coming to al-anon that they are so numb and are coming there to help their loved one who is an alcoholic or an addict.  I do understand that but I really am just so happy to have found the answers that I have been looking for.  I knew that helping Carolyn time after time wasn't a good idea, but I didn't know for sure.  I didn't know what to do.  I am learning.  Mostly I am learning about what I need to do to be healthy.

I seriously am going to have to get serious about finances.